BEWARE...NEED TO LET IT OUT!!!

I am about to start my period, my meds are NOT working for me, I want to eat normal again and everyone and everything in my house is making me mad....

I just have to vent, so if you don't want to read what's making me &*(#^$(, then don't continue to read... Steve, there is stuff about you, but know that I do love you very much, just give me time and space to work it out alone. If I need anyones help I will ask for it...

My house is a mess, clutter wise and dirty, my emotions are all out of wack, don't want my husband to talk to me or touch me (I know Steve will be reading this, but oh well)... I want to crawl in a hole and be rid of everything... I can't seem to get a grip right now and I am hoping I can get on new meds soon, I mean real soon. I am going to call the dr. tomorrow, leave a message and they probably won't get back to me till later in the afternoon, if at all. I hope my message of saying I really need to be put on new meds. my family is suffering from my mood swings, so please call me back soon!!!
Right now I am crying and can hardly read what I am typing. I know this is who I DON'T want to be, but I can't think of how to change. I have prayed, but nothing has changed... I am hoping by getting on different meds will help. I know I didn't feel this way on Prozac, but there is no way I will take those again, it made me gain most of my weight. And there is no way I am going to go through this HCG diet again. People who can do it more then once, are CR@ZY!!! I am not regretting doing it, I know this was what I was suppose to do to start getting this massive weight off. I just want to be able to eat and not have to worry if it's going to effect my diet. I know that I CANNOT go back to the way I was eating before, but I just want to eat a bowl of good cereal, have a banana again, and if I go somewhere, not worry if I can eat it because it has sugar or starches in it.


There have been so much I want to do, but don't have the energy or will power to do any of it. I know Steve knows something is bothering me, but hun just leave me alone for a little while, until I start acting, hopefully better. I just want to do stuff for me, but can't because I have a family to take care of. It's hard when both parents are stressed, the kids suffer, but at this point I don't care. All I have been doing is yelling at my kids over everything, like getting to close to me, touching me and even talking to me.

I didn't partake of the sacrament today, because I didn't feel worthy to. After yelling at Jackson while bathing him and smacking him upside the head a couple of times, telling him to quit yelling, I didn't feel worthy. Or getting irritated with the girls over anything, I just didn't feel of the spirit. Right now I am not sure I want to feel of the spirit, but that is not the way to live. Also feeling like a loner, with no friends, no one to talk to, because they have their own problems and I don't want to burden them, I feel all alone. PLEASE don't feel like I'm talking to any one specific, but just need to vent and let all of what's been bothering me.

PLEASE just let me be and see if I can get some different medication. And when I do, I will let you know, then you can ask Steve if I have been doing any better.

SORRY ABOUT THIS, BUT JUST NEEDED TO WRITE SOMETHING DOWN, TO LET ME KNOW LATER ON, THAT I CAN SURVIVE MYSELF... THAT SATAN MIGHT BE ABLE TO BRUISE MY HEAL, BUT I CAN SMASH HIS HEAD... IT IS MY PROOF SATAN IS REAL AND HE WILL DO WHATEVER HE CAN TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW... I NEED MY TIME TO DEAL WITH HIM, BUT I WILL BE FREE OF HIM ONCE AGAIN!!!